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  Losing Liam

  J. A. Wynters

  Losing Liam: Copyright © 2021 by J. A Wynters

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof my NOT be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any form or by any means whatsoever, including photocopying, recording or other mechanical methods, without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non- commercial uses permitted by cop-right law.

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any persons, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and storylines are created from the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Editing by: Spell bound editing

  Cover design: The Dust Jacket Designs

  Interior Formatting: Dawn Lucous, Yours Truly Book Services

  Contents

  Quote

  Evie

  Fourteen years ago

  Two years later

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  Liam

  Evie

  A Word from Jane

  About the Author

  Also by J. A. Wynters

  One day.

  Whether you are 14, 28 or 65 you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.

  However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find is they are not always with whom we spend our lives. –Beau Taplin

  Evie

  Missing you doesn’t come in waves. It’s a battering ram into my chest that smashes my insides every time your name passes like a ghost inside my mind. It makes it hard to breathe, to take another step forward. It makes everything hurt, and sitting with that pain makes me want to rip out my heart and catapult it away. Instead, it drips slowly inside me, poisoning me with sadness. Sadness I have no right to feel. But I can’t help how empty I am without you.

  This is a story about a boy, but I guess you already know that. The one who got away, the one who was never really mine to begin with. If only I’d known then that love is so short and forgetting is endless, I might have protected myself better, built higher walls, pushed away these feelings that crept like a thief in the night, unseen and unheard until it was too late; until they were so deep-seated inside me I could not escape them. But as always, I am starting in the middle. So let me take you back to the beginning.

  About a boy.

  Fourteen years ago

  Evie

  Maybe I was lucky. Meeting the love of my life by chance so young had to be luck. With almost seven and a half billion people on the planet, finding the one had to be more than just a coincidence, a twist of fate, an accident, and yet somehow the universe propelled us together. Of course, when I first met him, I had no idea that he would hold my heart forever. He was only a boy, and I was a girl, and our lives collided in a beautiful mess.

  Summers were always my favourite. In the way the sun caressed my face and the light breeze brushed away the edges of the heat. In the way the air was always full of the smell of burning sausages and sunscreen. In the shrieks and giggles kids made as they ran into the freezing water and the blaring of music from afternoon parties. There was something about summer that always sang to me like a favourite song you turn up really loud every time it comes on the radio, and you can’t help but belt out the lyrics out of tune.

  But the best thing about summer was Liam Morrison. I didn’t know he would become so important to me. Not at first of course, not till that last summer. Not till the last heartbreak, but then again, the best things creep up on us unexpectedly.

  Blue Haven is a small beach town where the locals are fiercely protective of each other’s secrets and not very welcoming to outsiders. There are no deep-seated dark pasts or a village tragedy that marred the area; they just like their peace on their spectacular piece of land. They shun the city folk and restrain the deluge of tourists who try to flood their town each summer. Twenty kilometres down the road you will find Angel Falls; its population exploded over the past fourteen years, and developers have sunk their teeth and bulldozers into the land, turning the idyllic seascape into a tourist haven that bursts beyond capacity every summer.

  In contrast, the residents of Blue Haven chased away any would be developer, battled any offers for large hotels or new apartment buildings, and the deserted motel just two kilometres from the city limits is shrouded with questions as to why it was abandoned. The council members have kept their lips sealed about it, and all the locals have learnt not to ask. The ghostly half-built skeleton has become a place for tourists to wander about and for the local teenagers to hang out on weekends.

  And that’s where we are today, Liam and me. Looking up at the stars as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist. And usually, when I’m here in his arms like this, I like to think that it doesn’t. I like to think that we are the last and the only people around and that what we have, what we share is bigger than everyone else.

  I’ve been coming to Blue Haven for the past ten years—since I was six years old. My grandfather owns a house across the road from the beach. Waking up to the lapping of gentle waves and the smell of salty humid air became as familiar to me as the smell of my mother’s rare hugs or my father’s shoe polish every time he came home.

  I met Liam just after my tenth birthday. He is a local, born and bred, and though at first, we were nothing more than friends, over time it evolved into so much more. Perhaps it was the way that he was just like summer; hot and sweet and fun. Perhaps it was the way he saw me in a way that no one else did. It really didn’t matter. All that mattered was that whenever I was in Blue Haven, I knew I’d be in his arms, and it would feel like home.

  “Next year I graduate,” he whispers into my hairline as I snuggle closer into his chest.

  “And...?”

  “And? And then I’m free.” I feel his lips tip up in a smile. I bet if I looked it would be bittersweet. Just like knowing this is the last day of my vacation. Tomorrow we’ll pack up the car and wave goodbye to the rippling tides and lapping waves and head back to the city. To the hustle and bustle, the screeching of tyres at midnight and the incessant chatter of people on their phones.

  “Free to do what?” I tease him, but my smile evaporates when he rolls above me. His dark hazel eyes are buried in shadows and his brow is creased in deep furrows.

  “Free to come to you, to be near you every day. To kiss you.” He smiles, and my heart ripples as he kisses me, gently and urgently all at once.

  When his lips leave mine, I instantly miss them, just like I miss him any time he isn’t within reach. “I can’t wait to have you around every day.”

  “Yeah?” His face beams with a cocky smile.

  “Yeah,” I respond with one of my own as heat rushes through my body.

  “And what would you do if you had me every day?” He kisses that place where my neck meets my shoulders, and my skin erupts in goosebumps.

  “Not sure I could put it into words.” The heat in my face intensifies as I think of all the things I could do with Liam if I never had to let him go.

  “Why don’t you show me instead?” The question muffled against my hair, his hot breath on my skin leaves me burning.

  He’s been patient with me, slow. And though we’ve had plenty
of opportunities, he’s always held back, wanting me to be ready, to be sure. And tonight I am. If I have to wait another year before I have him all to myself again, I want us both to remember what the other felt like, tasted like, looked like.

  I nod, and his eyes find mine, tender and creased with anxious nervousness that I am sure matches my own.

  “Are you sure?” Muscles jump along his jaw.

  I nod again, the nerves sealing the words in my throat.

  He kisses me then. It’s soft and slow and tender, and his lips on mine divulge just how much he loves me, wants me, needs me.

  His shirt comes off next, and I take in his wide shoulders and athletic build. He’s not a jock but lean, and his tanned body is tensed and bunched as he settles himself above me.

  We’re both inexperienced. I should be more afraid as adrenaline courses through my body and my nerves stand on edge, but what we share is something beautiful and intense. Looking up at Liam this close burns. I absorb every detail in a blink. His eyes hooded by shadows, his hair falling across his forehead that he holds to mine as the world holds its breath. For a short while, I leave my body and become a part of him, and all I know is that I wish I could put all my feelings in a bottle and capture them forever.

  “I love you,” he whispers, and his raw voice spikes a shiver that races through me.

  “I love you too.” And I do.

  As always, Liam drops me off a few streets from my grandfather’s house and I’m not walking, I’m flying. Gliding over the dark streets, a smile tugging at my lips. My heart flutters each time I think of Liam, of his lips and his smell and the way he makes me feel.

  In the morning I’ll pack up and we will have our traditional pancake breakfast before I get to sneak out and kiss him a final goodbye. A perfect end to a perfect summer.

  It’s well after midnight, and as I approach the house, I expect all the lights to be off and everyone to be asleep. Instead, there are flashing lights and a flurry of people running in and out, trying to remain calm. My mum stands at the threshold, tears streaming down her cheeks, and I run towards the house, panic eating at my chest.

  “What happened?” I’m breathless as I reach the door, a second before paramedics walk out of the house pushing the gurney. My father is listless. Tubes and bags hanging off the bed as they rush him towards the ambulance.

  “Where the hell were you?” is all she says as one of the paramedics tells her which hospital they are taking my father to. “Get in the car,” she hisses at me, her venom stinging my skin.

  I rush to the car and slam the door behind me. My mother is seconds behind, and she revs the engine before pulling out of the driveway like a madwoman.

  “Where are we going? Can’t I stay with grandad?”

  She shoots me a hard look before her gaze snaps back to the road. “No. They are taking your dad to the oval where the helicopter will fly him out to St. Vincent’s.”

  My blood runs cold, and I don’t know if it’s because it’s dawning on me that my dad is being rushed to a big city hospital because the smaller one in Angel Falls doesn’t have the facilities to look after him, or because I’m realizing that tomorrow’s goodbye is dissolving.

  “What about my stuff?”

  “You have more things at home.”

  “But—”

  “You’re so bloody selfish.” Her tone cuts through me as fresh tears fall and run down her cheeks.

  I bite my lower lip which suddenly quivers, and my heart stammers in my chest, tearing. Guilt gnaws at my core. Of course I worry for my father, still in the dark as to what’s actually happened, but with every metre we drive, I’m farther away from Liam. I want to scream for him. I want him to be here with me, to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I want him to kiss my forehead in the way that he does that lets me know the sun will rise again tomorrow, but we drive away and into darkness.

  I’ve sent him six messages and still, there is no reply. Everything hurts my heart, my body. I just need him as I pace the sterilised hospital corridor. It’s amazing how a space so bare can feel so intimidating. By the time they got my dad to the ICU and injected him with tPA, it was too late. The clot had already done its damage and the stroke was far too severe. The man I once knew is gone. Seeing someone so viciously strong and capable crumble and deteriorate in a blink of an eye is a good way to extract your heart from your chest without lifting a finger.

  The once solid military man that I grew up with vanished in a flash of red and blue lights, leaving behind an invalid. A man bedridden and incompetent who couldn’t lift his hand, let alone go to the toilet. I knew when I saw him like that that he wouldn’t last. His pride alone would strangle him. A man so used to think of himself like a king. A powerful force who others naturally followed and respected now reduced to a mere shadow dressed in adult diapers.

  They should have let him die. It would have been a mercy.

  My mother’s angry silence is broken by the soft padded footsteps of the nurses moving from room to room and the occasional blaring alarm. Nothing moves fast here; this wing is for the hopeless and the broken. They brought us up here from the ICU a few hours ago, and the doctors had a long, whispered conversation with my mother. Her narrow, angry eyes kept darting to my face, piercing me with guilt.

  Tears slide down my face as my insides churn, clammy fingers grip my heart, squeezing tight, threatening to push all the air out of my lungs till I struggle to breathe. I feel utterly alone. But before I can choke on my misery, warm familiar arms drape around me, and the smell of the ocean wraps itself around me. “I came as soon as I could.” His muffled voice filters through my hair.

  I spin to find Liam’s concerned eyes and tired face. I have no idea how he is here, but I don’t care as I throw myself at him and sob, soaking his shirt as I do. He doesn’t release me, doesn’t scold me; he just holds me and comforts me as I imagine a future without the father I once knew.

  “What are you doing here?” My mother’s cold voice slices between us, and I push myself away from Liam, noting the wet patch on his peck. His arm remains firmly on my waist.

  “Good morning, Mrs Miller.” He’s formal and charming but remains forlorn.

  “I asked what you’re doing here.” She ignores my wet face and silent sobs.

  “Evie told me what happened. I thought she could use a friend.”

  She scoffs, and her eyes swing from him to me then back again, lingering for a few seconds on the arm that gives me strength.

  “If she wasn’t with her friends last night, she would have been home.”

  I feel his back bunch up and the muscles tense, but he remains passive and neutral. “I don’t mean to step on any toes. I just wanted to offer my support.”

  “I’m sure you’ve offered my underaged daughter more than that,” she hisses out at him, and my mouth falls open.

  He ignores her scathing remark, and I envy him. I wish I could learn to be so impassive around her. His grip tightens on my waist staying just shy of painful. “When she comes of age, I would like to offer her everything.”

  My heart stumbles at his words, and I search his face, but he’s looking at my mother whose mouth twists in disdain.

  “She can do better.”

  “Mum!” I finally snap out of my subdued state and glare at her as darts of anger and disbelief hit my chest.

  Liam turns to me; worry and anger crease his eyes. “It’s okay, Evie.” I shake my head, disagreeing. “I better go.”

  “But you just got here.” I grab onto him, desperate, no longer concerned with my mother’s scowl or harsh words.

  “You should be with your family.”

  “You are my family.”

  His lips twitch in what could have been a smile and his hand squeezes my waist for a split second, but enough for me to feel that he feels the same way even if he can’t voice it. For the first time since I’ve gotten to this place, I feel something resembling content.

  “I better go.”

&
nbsp; “I’ll walk you out,” I offer and don’t wait for my mother’s rebuke before we head down the corridor, his hand slipping easily into mine as we walk in silence.

  “I’m sorry—”

  “No. It’s okay. You’ve told me what she’s like.” I nod as he gathers me into his arms and holds me. I leach as much warmth and strength from him as I can and indulge in his scent. Sweat and salt and a hint of sunscreen hidden behind too much aftershave.

  He releases me, and I’m loath to tear myself away from him. There is an instant lingering ache like I’m missing a part of myself. “You just got here; it would have taken you hours.”

  “It’s okay, I borrowed my dad’s car.”

  “Does he know?” A small smile creeps along his face and worry instantly eats at my chest. “He’s going to kill you.”

  “It’s worth it if I can be here with you.” I bite down the emotion that claws its way up my throat. “You better get back inside.”

  I nod, not wanting to let him go but knowing the longer I remain out here with him, the more miserable my mother will make me.

  He kisses the top of my head then my salty cheeks before he gifts me with a soft parting kiss. “I love you, Evie. I’ll see you soon.”

  “I love you too,” I croak, the floodgates of my grief and anger about to breach my barriers.

  I watch him walk away and disappear amongst the cars in the lot. I want to scream his name. I want to run to him and melt into his chest where I know I can find comfort, but I don’t. I let my shoulders sag, and I swallow down all my pain before I make my way back inside.